20 lessons i learned my first year of college

originally published 11/13/2023

my sophomore year is almost halfway through, it's about that time in the middle of the semester when shit gets weird and you have to choose change your life or stay at rock bottom. it feels like just yesterday i was moving in, putting up my posters, and worrying about whether my hall mates were making more friends and getting more drunk than me (they probably were, but i promise it’s not a big deal). saying that college is a big change is the understatement of the century, even if i steadfastly believed that i was ready for it. i would roll my eyes when my mom asked how i would survive on my own, cringe at all the girls crying at high school graduation, and almost feel pity for people who believed life stops after high school. i, with my thousands of years of wisdom in me, approached college like i’d been through it before because i knew this was where i was destined to be. this is what i was born to do. acting like i’m more interesting than i am? expert level. making friendly small talk? i’m the champ. looking busy at the library like i’m solving time travel? my favorite activity. i knew that’s not all that college would be, i'd of course learn new things along the way. but boy did i grossly underestimate how *many* new things i’d have to master every week. no one warned me about how easy it is to let dishes pile up and how much more enticing a frat party is than saving your energy for homework on a weekend (hangover be dammed i wanna dress up!) my parents, cousins, and well meaning acquaintances would always ask me if i was ready for college, and i believed myself when i said yes! because i didn’t know any better or know what questions to ask. so here, so that you don’t have to make my same mistakes, are some lessons i learned in my first year of college. learn from my mistakes. or don’t. it’ll make a great story....

1. talk to your roommate about what’s bothering you

you might be afraid of sounding like a bitch, but any reasonable person will understand. and it’s better to have good communication skills and solve the problem than let that annoyance fester inside you, that’ll just make things worse. it doesn’t have to be a big speech or anything, just when they’re chilling say ‘hey, do you wanna take turns with the trash?’ and add a ‘we can remind each other i forget stuff so easily’ (this part will be true, whether you like it or not you will forget do do shit all the time).

2. don’t put all your eggs in one basket of the first friends you meet, play the field!

those girls you meet on the first day of school probably aren’t going to be your best friends. it happens, but it’s so so rare. it’s best to be nice to everyone and see who sparks your interest, whether that’s at a club, orientation meeting, or in class. just as celebrities have their 5 minutes of fame, so do friends. choosing a couple of people to spend all of your time with very early in college usually ends badly. you barely know each other yet, so don’t feel guilty for not settling even after these first few months. if your gut is telling you about any uneasy feelings, you better listen. learning new things about someone is so fun. you did *what* on a tuesday in 2019??! college acquaintances are a treasure trove of fun stories. so take your time, save your energy, and meet different people.

3. journaling is necessary for keeping track of your life

so my friend told me today…or was that yesterday?….a few weeks ago maybe…..that was FIVE MONTHS ago??!!?! yeah, be ready to kiss all sense of time goodbye. you’re not in the same 8-3 routine of high school, but not quite the regular working man’s schedule, so time has a funny way of just kind of slipping away. you won’t remember when the last time you changed your sheets was, or what day your teacher made those important notes, or when the last time you had a real meal with all the food groups was. journaling, even if it’s for 5 minutes to give a bullet point list of all the things you did that day, can become a great way to unwind and stay sharp. even if it's in your notes app, but having a cute notebook on hand is fun. some days if something really dramatic happens you can unload your thoughts on the page, especially if it’s not a big deal in a few months and you can look back and giggle at yourself.

4. call your grandma

this one is serious. your grandma has been missing her little one that she used to make cookies with, and you going far away to college is really hard for her. to you she might just be that lady that you only see once a year and you have to remind her that you play volleyball now and not soccer, but she has more wisdom than you could ever imagine. Call her up in the afternoon while you walk to class, tell her what class you’re going to, if your teacher does anything annoying, that kind of stuff. even if she isn’t very talkative, you can be the talkative one and tell her why we’re mad at becky and what shocking thing sarah said, your grandma will love it! a few minutes on the phone every once in a while will make her heart soar. same goes for grandpas, and major bonus points for sending a handwritten note.

5. familiarize yourself with thrift stores

for the sake of your wallet and your college reinvention, thrift stores are great for finding unique pieces that everyone else will be jealous of because you are so much cooler than them (i'm only partially kidding). saving the planet and saving money makes you super cool, and having one of a kind items is just a bonus honestly. as i've mentioned in previous articles (which you should totally check out), developing personal style is a long and hard process, but college is the perfect place to do it. also it's insanely helpful at halloween when you don't want to drop a small fortune on something you might only wear once.

6. drink water

this one seems self explanatory, and yet i find myself and most of my friends are running on diet coke and a dream most days. invest in an average sized refillable water bottle, then drink like 9 of those a day.

7. don't be a cunt

if i have to explain this one, look within.

8. don't be a high maintenance friend

not every friend is going to be kind enough to put you in your place, so learn to become self-aware. it's one of the greatest skills you can have in life and now is the time to start if you haven't yet. it's a fine line between 'friends' who complain that you're 'just too much' and actually being someone in need of change, so some self-reflection every once in a while is good for the soul.

9. learn to be a morning person

class will be that much easier (dare i say exciting?) if it's followed by a chill morning routine. giving yourself a slow, relaxed, and nourishing start in the morning will make you feel more accomplished and allow for a smooth-sailing day. i suggest starting with something small to look forward to, like a yummy breakfast bar, or listening to your favorite song and dancing to find some energy. maybe one day you'll work yourself up to getting up earlier to stop for coffee or even morning gym sessions.

10. make your bed every morning

a simple toss of the covers to their correct position will make a world of difference in your life. sorry to sound like that speech your dad made you watch, but he's got a point. it looks neat, it's nice to lay on the top, and if the rest of your room is a mess, it'll look a tad more put together with a neatly laid comforter and pillows in a row.

11. don't be something you're not

it's a college cliche to change your whole personality the second you walk onto campus. whether you were the shy, weird girl in high school or an overly-extroverted problem causer, changing your ways drastically never works. take some time to figure out your priorities, what makes you happy, and patterns that are present in your strongest friendships.

12. utilize your school's resources

there are so many resources to take advantage of during your time at school, and since it is essentially free thanks to allocated tuition money why not pay them a visit. there's something for the mind, body, and spirit! from tutoring centers, food pantries, to free therapy sessions, take a second to look up what your campus has to offer. last spring, when habits of eating disorders past still lingered, visiting the campus nutrition center was a saving grace for me. after a pop-in with a health center counselor just to get some stuff off my mind, she informed me of all the places i could get help on campus like the nutrition center just downstairs, which i'm now so glad i visited. just knowing there was somewhere to turn and someone who was trained to listen to this kind of stuff so i didn't have to feel like a burden to my friends got me out of bed many days, until i felt the confidence to live for myself again. there's nothing shameful about getting any sort of help, everyone has their own stuff no matter how 'legitimate' you think it is. everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes. and guess what? you don't have to tell anyone! so don't wait, it could be more helpful than you think.

13. don't buy a nice comforter

i made the mistake of thinking a fresh start at college and the beginning of my adult life warranted a nice adult comforter. then a few months in when there was pilling, rips, pen marks, and it was too big for the washing machine i realized i made a grave error. those dorm rooms only allow for so much sitting space so you spend most of your time on your bed, therefore a lot of eating, drinking, and homework will be done on that bed. if you escaped freshman year without pen marks or a gatorade stain, i'm eternally jealous of you.

14. where you go doesn't matter

if you're getting down on yourself for not going to an ivy league, fancy, or cooler-looking school, stop right there. this name that'll end up on your resume is just that, a name. what you do during your time there is what really matters. if you're unhappy where you are, that's of course valid to think about making a change but check that you're ding it for the right reasons. as long as you're happy, you're at the best school.

15. save your damn money

repeat after me: i don't need everything i see on social media. more places to go doesn't mean you need more clothes, changing seasons is a terrible reason to empty your bank account on decorations, and you most definitely don't need to eat out every night when the dining hall or grocery store does just fine. there will be people you know that have a seemingly endless supply of clothes, like a character on gossip girl who never wears the same thing twice, but they are a unicorn. most people do just fine with what they have, so before you hit 'place order,' give it a day or two to think if you really need it.

16. your freshman 15 is there for a reason

although it can be scary noticing changes on your body--things growing that haven't before, new spots on your jeans being tighter--don't let that fear take over. you might feel like a fully formed adult, puberty a thing of the past, but you're just getting started. although i think it's outdated and totally rude to make such a big deal about other people's changing bodies, there are plenty of ways to take care of yourself if you want to, such as the campus gym, walking, and taking note of the foods that make you feel good. but take it from me, don't stress about it. you're beautiful. you're so much more than your body. you're sexy in the skin you're in. and if there's more than there was last year that's just a bonus.

17. there's nothing wrong with a night in

social media has made fomo an epidemic and it's hard to not feel like everyone's at the ultimate, life-changing, movie-esque party. the reality is, and most people won't admit this, most parties are either super boring or completely overwhelming. it's smelly (no matter how many people are there), loud, nauseating, and only made fun by the people you're with. luckily i always end up with a clan that knows how to have a good time and knows when it's time to leave, but a lot of boring nights could've been avoided if i had kept my expectations realistic and stayed in.

18. peer pressure is dumb

be careful who you let influence you when you're under the influence, or you might end up with a broken rib, or worse yet on barstool. but this also goes for any time of day. doing something just because everyone else is is so immature and it won't make anyone like you more, at least not anyone worth keeping around. carve your own path, keep your conscience, and your people will find you.

19. go to class

college's best kept secret is that school becomes easier if you just go. it can be intimidating when you look around and realize how smart everyone else around you is, but take it from me: go to fucking class. what everyone else is doing doesn't matter and shouldn't influence your attendance. go to bed at a reasonable hour, set your alarm, have something to look forward to in the morning (see 9), and get your ass to class. even, and especially if, you didn't do the homework because you will still gain knowledge that you didn't have yesterday. even if you only half-way pay attention, as long as your ass is in a seat and the professor can see your face, you've done something good today!

20. you are your own best friend

learning to be with yourself and enjoy your own company is a valuable skill most people will go their whole life without. college makes it so easy for co-dependent relationships to flourish, there's always something to do and someone who's avoiding their homework to do it with. spontaneity is fun and greases the wheels of life when you feel stuck in a boring routine, but try turning that itch for a spontaneous treat into alone time. some of my favorite things to do when i manage to find free time are to watch my favorite movie, recount my day to my journal, make a pinterest board, make to do lists, read outside, and go for a walk. lately, i've been finding joy in the small moments when i realize something about myself, whether it's a song i forgot i loved, something i'm proud of myself for, or talking with the people i love. nurturing adult friendships is important and very necessary for a happy life, but don't forget to put yourself first.

xoxo