how to be hot
7/26/2024
i've always been fascinated with hotness. hot people have a way about them. i try to study it when i see them float by. what's the common denominator? what's the formula? i observe and calculate. you can tell when a person is just hot. and i don't just mean attractive, i mean cool, suave, beaming with an energy you can sense but can't place. i'm not jealous, and i'm not bitter, mostly i'm curious. how do these hot girls know the right way to walk, the perfect way to dance, how to dress hot without looking too slutty.
'you do dress really modest for your age,' my friend says to me as i stand in front of my closet chock full of knee length dresses, high neckline tops, maxi skirts, and family friendly swimsuits. she clarifies, 'but like, you still look good and always dress well. it works for you.' she didn't mean it offensively and i didn't take it as such, i knew a long time ago i prioritized fashion over trying to 'look hot'. beauty over boobs. not because i thought it was impure or whatever, i would never look down on someone for showing skin, in fact i wished i had that confidence. i could go to college far from home, cliff dive, speak in front of crowds, write and publish a blog, but show some skin? way too far out of my comfort zone. i'd rather be known for my style than be a chubby girl* trying to act like a hot girl. certain clothes are reserved only for when i deserve them. i'll buy that bodycon dress when i have the body for it and until then i'll stick with my tummy compatible tops. i was hiding my body from a world of potential critics. hiding in fabulous clothes, but hiding nonetheless.
*i say this trying to explain my thought process, not body shaming or saying someone with a certain body type can't wear something revealing. this is just my state of extreme body dysmorphia holding me back and telling me that i'm chubby and that only i am not allowed to wear certian things.
*yes, there is evidence of me wearing crop tops and such on my insta, i literally thought i was being a body positivity hero and was so nervous the entire time. this also got much worse in college leading me to this journey i'm on now.
i’m tired of being niche, i just wanna be hot -a wise woman
but hotness isn't just the clothes you wear, it's the way you interact with others, the way you move through the world. hot people have soft, yet electric laughs and always know the funny or engaging thing to say. therefore, i am not hot. therefore, if i ever tried to be hot i would be shunned and exposed as a fraudulent wannabe, a fool for even attempting to break into this elite class.
until recently i think a few thoughts were happening in my head:
a) i thought these things weren't meant for me so i never made the effort to learn. somehow i concocted this story that if i put that self-tanner on the hot girl police would sound the alarms and shout 'she's trying too hard! she's not a real hot girl!' as they dragged my orange splotched fleshy limbs back into darkness. if i tried to do hot people things, wear what people wear, everyone would be able to tell i was some sort of phony trying to infiltrate their world. how dare i.
b) being hot is scary. when i’m truly myself, unafraid to be different and weird i could understand why someone wouldn’t like me. i'd use exaggerated, if slightly abrasive wit as a shield to protect anyone from getting the idea that i want to be pretty, and if they do think i'm pretty it's just a bonus. but if i tried on a hot girl persona and things, like talking to people, having self-esteem, or getting dates don't come easier, that’s true rejection. i’d rather be hard to love and prove myself right than tell myself i'm pretty and be proven wrong.
c) i should be able to like myself the way i am and if i tried to change i would be admitting to myself that i didn't like myself. the usual routine i go through is wanting a change, starting a diet, and relapsing into super unhealthy patterns. if i tried to make some sort of change i just end up finding more to not like about myself and giving up. this is such ass backwards logic that only comes from a place of only knowing depression and insecurity.
so i went through high school and most of college so far thinking that i wasn't meant to be hot. if i were a few inches taller, my waist a bit smaller, my hair a bit longer and my skin a bit clearer, maybe i would feel more inclined to think of myself as hot. if i had more things that all add up to a hot person. i’ve been told i hold myself to a higher standard than any stranger ever will. but, i’m too scared to try to be hot out of fear of failure, and it’s not worth doing if it’s not going to be perfect. i'm insecure, cripplingly so, and this has held me back from so much. i still found my way through the world and made it to a place with great friends and a life to look forward to when i get back to school. at this point in my life, it looks like i don't really have much of a reason to feel like such an outsider. but this is the only life i've ever known. i don't know what it's like to feel like an insider, but when i think about it, does anyone really feel like an insider? i've always felt different, been excluded, been the butt of someone's jokes. because i know the feeling of out so well, i always thought there was a feeling of being in. i know it sounds so high school, like im just waiting for the popular crowd to give me a seat at the lunch tbale, but that's not what i'm going for. what i mean is when you're at a party or in a social situation, i'm too busy worrying that i'm not enough that i forget to actually enjoy myself. lately i’ve been wondering that maybe there is a reason i've done, objectively, decently well in this crazy world. it’s possible i’m not the ugly, hopeless monster i think i am (was?), but how does one start to wipe away a lifetime of doubt?
recently i realized this, that this fear of being some kind of phony and my heart-stopping anxiety over my looks and how i'm perceived is, for lack of a better word, bullshit. i was halfway through my sophmore year, absolutely sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself, feeling like i'm not good enough, and just generally hating myself. i was sick of it because i was starting to realize i was fighting back against the voices in my head. i sat in my room having a crazy thought: i actually do like myself. self-loathing had become my default mode after so long, i didn't know how to like myself. i'm pretty, but i didn't feel like it. i'd fallen out of practice with dance. i was doing well in school and having so much fun with my friends. i was on the cusp of greatness. unknowingly thrust into a highwire act, but instead of a net below me was a trench. i could cross to the other side or fall and perish. then my hair started thinning. my precious hair, possibly my favorite thing about me that i could always count on. my own body was taunting me, almost daring me to give up. fuck that.
i knew a change needed to happen, something so bold that i could never slip back to my old ways. why not go for gold? why not be hot? coming to terms with the idea that i might be pretty and that my insecurities no longer serve me is one thing, but to truly cleanse myself i must get to the root of this desire. i wish for hotness. what is it about hot people that capture me and why do i want to fit in this category so bad? it’s not power or attention i’m after, not vanity nor status. i know these things won't fix all my problems. to me, hotness is the ultimate goal, and up until now i’ve thought i was steadfastly unworthy of it. i believe i've made the grave error of mistaking hotness for a total lack of insecurity and immunity to rejection. this is a futile goal, as no being is without their insecurities. i thought hot people were hot because they had either gotten over their insecurities or didn’t have anything to be insecure about in the first place. it turns out, hotness is having fear and doing the thing anyway.
i sit with this new realization, mere tip toed steps into my journey towards self-improvement and i ponder on something: could being hot be the ultimate form of self care? i’m a late bloomer when it comes to hotness. i was so busy being into Twilight and what the next micro aesthetic was gonna be i never really learned how, aside from fashion and doing my hair which always came naturally, but that felt more like me leaning into my strengths. everything else i know about beauty and hotness i learned from my friends, always putting these practices off for all of the aforementioned reasons but also because it just seemed like a lot of work. keeping up with all the supplements, routines, lotions and potions commonly associated with hotness was out of my wheelhouse, so naturally i became curious. were all these products really the key to this enchanting quality hot people had that i’d been so bewitched by? i turned to my peers to find out what it was that made them feel hot, and was pleasantly surprised by the answers.
this is what makes certified hot girls feel hot:
being tan is a must in the hot girl world, but everyone has a different skin tone and preference for achieving their perfect glow. these are the hot girls favorite self tanners…
Ulta Gradual Self Tan Face Mist
Jergens Natural Glow Tanning Lotion
Bondi Sands
Nu SKin Insta Glow
B.Tan Violet Base Mousse
Other answers include…
Acrylic nails -Abby A & Sydney V.
Bronzer, “Kosas Glowy Warmth Baked Bronzer lasts FOREVER” -Abby A.
Mascara, “Better Than Sex Waterproof only” -Bella H.
A red manicure -Jessica S.
“I love what bronzer does to my face but blush is my ride or die. But I look so sexy when I have dark lip liner on” -Madeira O.
A cunty necklace -Callie L.
Cherry Chapstick -Ivy
It’s not just about looks and layering on products…
Running, usually 2-3 miles “in the morning because it makes me energized and ready for the day” - Madison G.
“Vitamins, my life feels so productive if i have my pill case full of vitamins” -Bella H.
Working out, and “I feel like I always look my best right before I get in the shower” -Jessica S.
Gold pearl drop earrings from Garwoods Jewelers Fort Collins -Ella W.
Curling my lashes -Callie L. and Ivy
Going for long scenic walks -Callie L.
Letting my hair air dry after swimming -Ivy
Pilates, “Thank God for classpass and beyond yoga clothes” -Taylor G.
i’ve found my answers to be…
perfume, especially perfect by marc jacobs
cotton leggings
a blowout or curling my hair
heels
lipstick
the secret to hotness is that we’re all just doing whatever makes us feel good. doing whatever you need to feel hot and knowing that you are worthy of hot. there’s no special formula, though some things are just guaranteed to make you feel hot, all that matters is how something makes you feel. my life didn't magically change when i started self tanning; liking my body and working out didn't mean everyone else got the memo. did i wake up one day and suddenly stop seeing that despondent, frizzy haired 17 year old girl who ate her feelings as i usually did when i looked in the mirror? certainly not. but slowly she’s fading away, and someone new is taking her place.
i started my hot girl journey with the entirely wrong mentality. i thought--and i don't care how stupid it sounds--if i did all the things that hot people did and became a hot person that i would suddenly know all the right things to say and feel more secure in the world. babe, there's no self tanner in the world to fix all that. i’ve learned that this work that i found so intimidating is actually very fulfilling. it’s become exciting to pour so much effort into myself knowing that the reward is, well, feeling hot. all these people i thought were glowing didn’t have anything out of reach, they were just doing whatever it took for them to feel hot. being hot starts on the inside. hotness is a state of mind. hotness is an energy. hotness is a feeling evoked by an action. hotness is chemical reactions. hotness is acts of kindness to yourself, telling yourself you’re the baddest bitch alive until you believe it. i am not without my flaws, and my insecurities didn’t disappear from my memory with a magical makeup brush. i still have a lot to learn and a lot of work to do, but so far i’m doing much better at being kind to myself, staying healthy, and not finding new experiences intimidating. but there is a truth that remains eternal no matter where you are in your hot girl journey: hot girls have problems too.
hot girls have problems too!
